When a young couple is newly married, they assume that the “honeymoon stage” will last forever. For dedicated couples who are fully committed to their God-given responsibilities, this stage truly can last forever in one sense. Many couples testify sincerely and truthfully that they are as much in love after forty years as they were during the first forty days. But the love that binds a couple for the long run is not the shallow, fluttery romantic feelings that are experienced during the early days of marriage.
The enduring love of a strong marriage is the committed love that the Bible describes as ἀγάπη (agape) love. This is the love that is translated as “charity” in I Corinthians 13. Agape love is a covenant love that keeps on loving in spite of changing circumstances. It is a mature love, a love that is made stronger by the storms of life, a love that endures the test of time, and a love that is purified and refined by the passage of decades.
Agape love causes a man to keep on loving his wife, even as wrinkles crease her face and when disease and hardship leave their lasting marks. Her face becomes all the more beautiful to him because of those wrinkles! Likewise, the woman respects her husband all the more, even as his step develops a limp, his hair thins, and his shoulders become stooped by years of hard, faithful labor.
The words of I Corinthians 13 testify not merely of a feeling, but of a mature love rooted in a Biblical covenant. The very first phrase in this remarkable passage testifies that “charity suffereth long.” This phrase can also be rendered as “love is patient.” The chapter describes a love that endures over the long run. This love is not rushed, nor is it fleeting. It is not dependent upon changing circumstances.
Love is patient . . .
. . . through financial hardships
One of the great stresses that a couple usually experiences is the difficulty of financial reversal. Seemingly steady jobs can be lost in a moment by unforeseen circumstances. Couples who are truly committed to love one another will not allow these stresses to draw them apart; rather, the two will rather draw closer together in the midst of hardship. They know that God, and not the job or vocation, is their security for the future.
. . . through physical handicaps
One of the most important vows given at the marriage altar is the promise to love one another “in sickness or in health.” Every long-lasting marriage will be tested by sickness or handicap in one form or another. One of the most tender and best testimonies of love is a husband or a wife caring for the other during a time of sickness or injury.
. . . through the Valley of the Shadow of Death
Every marriage eventually faces dissolution in death. Mature love does not shy away from the “valley of the shadow of death.” In fact, covenant love shines brightest when it carries a man and his wife courageously toward death and eternity beyond. Biblical examples of this love at this latter point in life include Abraham loving Sarah when she was dying, and Jacob making special provision to mark where he buried his beloved Rachel. Jacob also took care to give instruction that he be buried beside Leah. Patient love is a mature love—a love that is not in a hurry, and a love that does not demand. Agape love that does not decay with the passage of time.
