The Thanksgiving holiday can be a stressful time for many families. It is a time of busy preparations. Extended family and friends often come to visit. Priorities must be balanced to meet everyone’s needs. Parents-in-law sometimes have to be accommodated at the expense of one’s own parents. Sometimes the reverse is also true.

You cannot be everywhere at once. You cannot please everyone. It is sad that a time that should be filled with rejoicing and thanksgiving can become a time filled with stress and even arguments.

Has your marriage ever suffered during the week leading up to Thanksgiving? For example, have you allowed extended family dynamics to drive a wedge between you and your spouse? When prioritizing needs, have you been guilty of overlooking your wife’s needs because you deemed it more important to accommodate the preferences of someone else? Have you allowed the stress of the holiday to damage your marriage, which is far more important than a perfectly baked pumpkin pie?

If your marriage has suffered during the holidays, make plans now to cultivate a spirit of true thanksgiving in your home this year. You especially want to make sure that your spouse feels loved and appreciated during this stressful time of year. Let’s consider a few key points to ensure you have done your part in honoring your marriage this Thanksgiving.

Husbands, love your wives.

Men, your priority is always your wife. Honor your parents, nurture your children, be kind to your cousins and friends, but love your wife as Christ loved the church. Make sure that your wife knows that she is the most important person at the table. Perhaps you could set aside a time a couple of days before the big feast to take your wife out to a nice restaurant. Ask her what her priorities are for this particular year at Thanksgiving; then together discuss how to meet those goals. Let her know that you are listening and desiring to meet her deepest needs.

At the big feast when everyone is gathered around the table, take time to publicly express your gratitude to God for giving you a faithful, loving wife. Don’t do this merely in private. Express this statement to your parents, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws. Determine that everyone knows that you love and appreciate your wife. She will beam with delight when she hears her husband praise her in the presence of all!

Wives, reverence your husbands.

Ladies, your primary responsibility at Thanksgiving is to honor and fulfill the goals that your husband sets for the family. The focus is not to keep the feast in the same manner it was kept at your parents’ home when you were younger. You and your husband now have a home together. Your husband is the head of your home; in that role, encourage and support him as to how Thanksgiving will be celebrated in your family unit. Seek and follow his guidance and preferences. Just as he seeks to love you, so also you should seek to reverence him.

A few days before Thanksgiving, take the time to ask your husband important questions about how he wants the day to be spent. What time does he expect the main meal to be served? Does he plan to have Scripture reading or singing before the meal? What side dishes would he especially like with this special meal? What dessert does he prefer? What foods would he suggest that you perhaps ask other family members to bring for the meal? Communicate clearly what you hear him suggesting so that he knows that you want to understand and help fulfill his intentions.

If you will purpose to make your marriage a priority this holiday season, you will be honoring God by truly expressing thanksgiving for one of His greatest gifts to you—your spouse.