In Paul’s first letter to the church at Corinth, he wrote to the believers about God’s love. Recently we looked at the first three of four descriptions of this attribute: love is patient; love is kind; and love does not envy. The fourth description of covenant love in I Corinthians 13:4 is “charity vaunteth not itself.”

The Greek word here rendered “vaunteth” is περπερεύομαι (perpereuomai). The term is employed only here in the entire New Testament. The root word speaks of “going beyond” and is used in phrases like “beyond Jordan” or “the other side of the sea.” To “vaunt yourself” is to boast that you are better than you truly are. Genuine covenant love is humble, does not boast, and does not claim to be what it is not.

Pride is one of the quickest and most devastating poisons that kill the sweetness and harmony of a marriage. In fact, pride is one of the three major sins that the Apostle John warned against in I John 2:16: “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.”

Pride is also the very first sin listed among the sins that God especially hates. “These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood. An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren” (Proverbs 6:16–19).

So how does pride destroy harmony in a marriage? Here are some practical considerations as we seek to walk humbly before the Lord in the context of marriage.

Pride refuses to admit fault

It is crucial to a harmonious marriage that there is speedy resolution of offenses. When disagreements and arguments arise between a husband and his wife, there ought to be a quick confession of guilt and a speedy restoration of harmony. Pride is the most stubborn obstacle to such restoration as it refuses to admit fault and shifts blame. Pride justifies itself and refuses to see sin in the clear light of God’s truth.

A proud husband or wife sees a speck in the eye of the spouse but stubbornly refuses to see the beam in his or her own eye. May God help us to confess our faults one to another and seek restoration and forgiveness.

Pride boasts of accomplishments

A proud husband may boast to his wife about his own deeds. He may feel a sense of importance as the one who earns a living for the family. He may go beyond the bounds of reality by taking credit for good fruit in the lives of his children. A proud wife may exalt herself in her own mind and claim credit for an obedient child or a tidy house.

This boasting about accomplishments is the very thing that Paul is warning against when he says that charity “vaunteth not itself.” May God help us to remember the truth given to us in John 15:5, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing” (emphasis added).

Pride demeans others

A man who vaunts himself is also a man who demeans others. He speaks ill of others to inflate a sense of his own importance. He demeans his wife with sharp, cutting comments. Likewise, a proud wife demeans her husband, demeans other wives and mothers, in a vain attempt to vaunt herself.

Humbly recognizing this in our own lives helps us to restore our relationships with the Lord, with others in our local church, and with our spouses. May God give us all the grace to walk in humility before the Lord, before our spouse, and before our children.