Is there really a difference between planning a marriage and planning a wedding? Or is it merely a semantic trick to advise a young couple to focus on planning a marriage, not merely a wedding?
All too often, many couples narrowly focus on planning a wedding. Yes, a wedding is important! However, wisdom looks beyond the first day of marriage to all the days yet to come in the future that God has planned.
Let’s consider some practical suggestions for keeping the long-range goals of a marriage in view when wedding planning.
View guests not as spectators, but as witnesses.
How easy it is to view wedding guests as mere spectators, friends and family who have come to help you celebrate your special day! But these guests have a far grander purpose than merely clapping at the kiss, cheering at the announcement, and enjoying the delicious wedding cake. Truly, the wedding guests have a vital function at the wedding—they are witnesses!
In the olden days, the officiant would give a charge not only to the bride and groom, but also to the wedding guests. The solemn charge was “Into this holy union groom and bride now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now; or else forever hold your peace.”
Later in the service, the officiant traditionally addressed the congregation again: “Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?”
When planning a wedding, remember that your guests, who are witnessing your wedding vows, have a solemn duty before God to encourage you, offer you counsel, and support you in their prayers for the rest of your life.
Remember your vows and think about them often.
Oftentimes, a groom and bride hurry past the wedding day and never think of their vows again. But vows made in the presence of God are solemn and binding. Whatever words you have chosen to use in your vows, whether the traditional vows or vows that you have written yourself, be sure to make a point of recalling them from time to time. Are you keeping your vows?
Whenever a man is tempted to enjoy and cultivate a friendship with another woman, he should remember that he vowed to forsake all others for his wife. Whenever a wife is disgruntled at her social standing or by her husband’s limited income, she should remember that she vowed to be a faithful wife “for richer or poorer.” Some couples, instead of framing their marriage license on the wall, may find it more meaningful to frame and display their wedding vows. While the license commemorates the day, the vows are for the life of the marriage, and framing and hanging them would be a constant reminder of promises made, as well as of your public testimony.
See your wedding day not as an end or a beginning, but as a transition.
The wedding day can easily be viewed as the end of a process. Finally, the multitude of decisions and preparations are over, and the day is here! Life as a single young person is at an end! Likewise, a common error is to see a wedding merely as a beginning: a new life, a new name, a new social security card, a new home, and a new identity. But this is only the partial truth.
A wedding is a transition, not truly an end or a beginning. Nothing is really ended, as ties of parental affection are not broken. The marriage is not a beginning but, like the children of Israel crossing the Jordan under the leadership of Joshua, there is a transition to new leadership, new opportunities, and new victories. The lessons learned under Moses were not forgotten; life before and after the transition now, just as then for Israel, are equally important in God’s grand plan for the future He has ordained for the bride and groom, now husband and wife.
