On June 30, 1831, the parlor at Arlington House, a mansion near the banks of the Potomac River, was filled with happy guests. Two distinguished Virginia families were to be united in marriage. The groom was Robert Edward Lee, the son of Revolutionary War hero, “Light Horse Harry” Lee. Robert E. Lee was a young lieutenant in the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, a cadet of stainless honor who had graduated from West Point without a single demerit. 

The bride was Miss Mary Anna Randolph Custis. She was the great-granddaughter of Martha Washington, the only daughter of George Washington Parke Custis. The wedding venue—the Arlington mansion—would one day become the property of the newlywed couple. 

Robert E. Lee and Mary Custis loved one another deeply. Longtime friends and childhood playmates, this special day they were to be joined in heart and soul in a one-flesh covenant. Both were Godly young people who would endeavor to honor Christ in their marriage and family.

Indeed, the couple diligently pursued this goal in their marriage. A close friend of Robert E. Lee said of him after his death, “If I have ever come in contact with a sincere, devout Christian—one who, seeing himself to be a sinner, trusted alone in the merits of Christ—who humbly tried to walk the path of duty, looking unto Jesus as the author and finisher of his faith—and whose piety constantly exhibited itself in his daily life—that man was General Robert E. Lee.”

The Lees bore the loss of their estate together

Over the course of several decades, the Lord blessed Robert and Mary Lee with seven children, three sons and four daughters. Little could the Lees have guessed that dark clouds would come over their happy home. But the storm of war was coming upon the United States, and the Lees were caught in the middle of the storm. The peace and stability of their home and family would become jeopardized.

Loyalty to his native state of Virginia compelled Colonel Lee, in spite of his sincere love for the Union, to resign his commission as an officer and cast his lot with his state in the face of a Northern invasion. The Lees lost not just one, but three family farms! These estates they had hoped to pass along to their sons one day. However, rather than reacting with bitterness, the Lees trusted in God’s goodness. When Federal troops swarmed over Arlington House and plundered some of the Washington family treasures, Mary Lee reminded her children that “all is meant to teach us that earth is not our home, that only in heaven are we to look for perfect bliss.”

The Lees bore the loss of their children together

The couple was devoted to their seven children. Even while away from home on prolonged military assignments, Robert E. Lee would write tender letters filled with wisdom to his sons and daughters. He wrote to his children about the cats they loved, advised them on their romances, and playfully chided them for complaining of the Virginia heat when his candles were melting in their sockets in the blazing Texas summer heat! 

During the War Between the States, the Lees were saddened when their precious daughter, Annie, succumbed to fever. This loss was followed by that of a daughter-in-law. Robert E. Lee compassionately wrote to his bereaved son, “Thus is link by link of the strong chain broken that binds us to earth, and smoothes our passage to another world.”

The Lees bore the loss of their cause together

After almost four years of war, General Lee was forced by the overwhelming numbers and resources of the federal government to surrender the Army of Northern Virginia at Appomattox. This surrender crushed his noble heart.

Robert E. Lee declined many offers extended to him after the war. He finally accepted the presidency of a small college in Lexington, Virginia. As president of Washington College (later renamed Washington and Lee), he made it his goal, in his own words, to train young men “to be good Christians.” “If that were accomplished,” General Lee said, “I should have nothing more to desire.” The Lees made their home in a modest house on the campus and devoted their final days to raising the next generation to love rather than to hate, to build rather than to destroy, and to hope rather than to despair.

The Lees bore the loss of their health together

Even in her youth, Mary Lee was rendered an invalid. What started as stiffness in her knees eventually became rheumatism that insidiously spread through her body and left her nearly crippled and barely able to walk, even with crutches. Although her hands were gnarled, she often gave thanks that God had “spared her eyes and her hands.” Despite the crippled state of her hands, she still put them to use. Mary Lee knitted socks and sent them to the “boys,” as the soldiers often were fondly referred to, in her husband’s army. 

After the war, General Lee faithfully and tenderly cared for his beloved Mary. He would gladly push her wheelchair in the garden so she could enjoy the lovely blooms and take in the fresh air. During their final days together in Lexington, each morning he carefully selected and cut fresh flowers for the table, and set them at her place to greet her.

Robert E. Lee died after he suffered a stroke in 1870. His widow, Mary, followed him to the grave three years later. At one point in their lives, the Lees had lost everything except their honor. A young lady in Lexington who had known the Lees personally shared an observation she had made about the couple and their marriage. She remarked that she had learned from watching the life and marriage of General and Mrs. Robert E. Lee “that duties faithfully discharged bring a dearer recompense than any circumstance, ease, and luxury can supply.”