The fifth description of covenant love in I Corinthians 13:4 is charity “is not puffed up.” This follows immediately after the fourth description, which is “charity vaunteth not itself.”

We have already looked in some detail at this phrase about being vaunted and the devastating effect that pride can have upon a marriage. What then? Is God repeating Himself by following one warning against pride with another warning? He certainly is! He does so for a good reason.

What is pride?

Pride was the original sin of Lucifer (Satan). Pride also was the one of the three deadly sins that took root in Eve’s heart in the Garden. Finally, pride is listed first of the seven deadly sins given in Proverbs 6:16–19. In the New Testament, the “pride of life” is one of the sins that the Apostle John earnestly warned believers about in I John 2:16.

The Greek word here rendered “puffed up” is φυσιόω (phusioō). It comes from the root word that means “to blow.” Like a balloon filled with air, so is a man who is puffed up. He appears larger than he is. He pretends to be what he is not. Pride is what drives us to vaunt ourselves and be puffed up!

Pride is often linked in the Scripture with deceit. In the list of seven deadly sins, “a proud look” is given alongside “a lying tongue.” Perhaps this is why the Apostle Paul was so careful to say that Biblical love “vaunteth not itself” and also that it is “not puffed up.”

Intriguing examples from Creation

In the animal kingdom, God has provided for us some very vivid and sometimes comical examples of what it means to be puffed up! The well-named puffer fish can inflate its stomach with water to appear much larger than it really is. Would-be predators are discouraged when they see a repulsive spiny ball rather than a slow-moving, shell-enclosed meal.

Certain lizards also inflate their bodies to pretend to be bigger and tougher than they are. A toad can inflate its warty skin to discourage a snake or a bird that might consider eating it for lunch!

These aforementioned creatures are relatively weak, slow, and defenseless. However, when they puff themselves up, they appear to be something that they are not. Sadly, some Christian husbands and wives creep through life small and puny in private, but then puff themselves up, pretending to be what they are not when under scrutiny or in public.

Previously, we focused upon pride as the opposite of humility. The focus here is on pride as the opposite of honesty. Have you ever considered the importance of honesty in marriage?

An honest husband’s actions

An honest husband is a humble husband. He is what he is, without show or pretense. He does not put on airs in public. He does not hold the door for his wife when others can see him and think how great a husband he is, and then when no one is around, make his wife open the door herself! For the sake of appearance only, he would not hypocritically hold his wife’s hand affectionately in public while inwardly angry at her.

The humble husband and father admits his faults to his wife and children. He acknowledges his struggles with his brothers in Christ. He seeks restoration whenever there is an offense.

An honest wife’s actions

Likewise, an honest wife is a humble wife. She does not pretend to be a better wife or mother than she truly is. She does not dress in a showy or selfish way. She does not praise her husband in public to garner praise for herself and then criticize him in private.

She openly shares with her husband her fears and concerns. With humility, she admits her own mistakes and shortcomings with close friends, and seeks their prayers and assistance. She is careful to tell others about her own faults than to speak of the faults of her husband or others.

May God help us all to be in private what we are in public! May we ever be drawing closer to Jesus and becoming more transformed into His image. Jesus Christ was meek and lowly in heart, and He desires our love to be from an honest love, not “puffed up” but appearing always what it truly is—genuine love from the heart.