The simple but life-changing blessing of mutual forgiveness elevates the Christian marriage above any substitute the world can offer. Apart from the Lord Jesus Christ, the world has no real foundation for true, meaningful forgiveness. Estranged friends may agree, perhaps, to go out for coffee and “make up,” as in talking through their hurts or misunderstandings. Business partners with underlying grievances may simply try to “get over it,” “look past it,” or even try to “forget about it.” However, these attempted solutions to repair damaged relationships are merely temporary fixes. These human efforts never address the root cause of sin.

Only in a Christian marriage where Christ Jesus is at the center of the home can a man and his wife honestly and thoroughly repent and be cleansed of sin. Only when the promptings of the Holy Spirit are heeded can a husband or wife truly humble themselves and be able to ask the offended spouse for forgiveness and their relationship be restored.

Offenses will arise in any marriage. Partly, the cause is due to the curse of sin. It is a delusion to imagine that any marriage can be free of offenses! As redeemed sinners, we cannot prevent offenses, but we can and must learn to solve them Biblically. Two key ingredients must both be present in order for a marriage to be restored to a place of unity: confession and forgiveness. Let’s look at each of these ingredients.

Confession

According to Scripture, “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). Confession is agreeing with God that we have offended someone, that we have transgressed His holy Word, and that we have sinned against His grace. Literally, confession is to “say the same thing”—to admit that we are what God says we are.

Just as confession is necessary when seeking restoration with God, so also confession is necessary when seeking restoration between a wife and a husband. In a genuine confession, do not justify yourself: “I said this because . . . .” In a genuine confession, the other person is not blamed as happens with this expression: “Well, you hurt me first.” Rather, in a genuine confession, you must take full responsibility for your own sin and acknowledge that it is your duty to repent and seek to repair the relationship.

So many attempted confessions are really only excuses! Rather than admission to guilt, the person instead tries to justify, blame, explain, deny, or evade the real sin (usually selfishness) that is at the root of the offense. A genuine confession does not demand forgiveness; a true confession humbly expresses repentance and a desire for restoration.

Forgiveness

When a humble, remorseful confession is given, a willingness to forgive is necessary for healing and restoration. Christ warned His disciples, “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (Matthew 18:35). How can we who have been forgiven so greatly by our Heavenly Father withhold mercy and forgiveness from our repentant spouse?

Confession alone cannot restore a relationship. In fact, when marriage harmony is strained by an offense, confession transfers the obligation to restore from the offender to the offended. Often, there is a need for mutual confession and acknowledgment of guilt on the part of the other spouse as well. Humility is essential in each person in order to remove resistance and smooth the path to restoration.

God’s ways are always best. Confession and forgiveness can bring restoration when the offenses are small, as well as when the offenses seem insurmountable. Surprisingly, when we admit our own imperfections, it is then that we testify to the world the perfection that is found in the Lord Jesus.