One of the most critical virtues to learn during the period of courtship and engagement is patience. The Bible has much to say about patience. According to James 1:3, “the trying of your faith worketh patience.” Paul echoed the same truth when he wrote in Romans 5:3, “We glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience.”

There is a sense in which the time before marriage is a time of “tribulation.” It is a time of uncertainty, filled with waiting, trusting, planning, and hoping. However, this pre-marital time is not tribulation in the sense of persecution or hostility. Rather, it is tribulation in the sense of testing. 

A man’s character is tested as he prepares a home for his bride and a means to provide for her and protect her. A woman’s character is tested as she plans for her wedding, her home, and a lifetime of service. Here are some practical considerations about the blessing of the patience developed through this time of waiting.

Patience teaches us to work together in harmony

The case in any courtship and engagement is usually that one party wants to move quicker than the other toward marriage. Sometimes an eager young man feels ready and prepared for marriage, but perhaps the father of the young lady believes that additional maturity and spiritual growth would be beneficial to both parties. Sometimes the situation is instead an eager young lady who has been waiting to be married for a considerable time, but the young man of her interest senses that it would be best for him to finish preparing a house, get a better job, or complete other commitments prior to marriage.

These circumstances and examples, as well as a wide variety of other possibilities, call upon us to develop patience. The time of waiting can be anguishing, or it could be profitable, depending upon our attitudes while we are waiting. Learning patience now can teach an eager young man or young lady the value of working together in harmony and unison with a potential spouse.

Patience teaches us to value the present time

The story has often been told of the young man who received a gift of a special ball. The ball had a cord coming out of it that represented the passage of time. The story is loosely based upon the last chapter of the Book of Ecclesiastes and the Scriptural description of the silver cord and the golden bowl. 

In the fictional story, the young man is very impatient for future opportunities. He pulled the ball’s cord to quickly get through hard days at school, the drudgery of military service, and his long engagement to his bride. After the wedding ceremony, having not learned patience earlier, he continued to pull the cord in order to quickly advance through long workdays, challenging times with the children, and mundane home tasks and responsibilities. 

Then, one day he was shocked when he saw that his wife’s hair was gray! He himself had wrinkles on his face, and his children were grown and gone. To his regret, he realized that he had wasted away the present time while longing for the future. Suddenly, he awoke! He realized it was all a dream—that he was still a young man, and his future still lay before him! He resolved that, with God’s help, he would treasure every moment in the present, hardships and all.

Patience builds experience; experience builds hope; hope results in love

In Romans 5:3–5, we are reminded that patience is not the ultimate achievement. Patience is one step in a lifelong process of spiritual growth. 

The Apostle Paul wrote, “Tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” If you want your marriage to shed abroad the love of God, then endeavor to learn patience now!