A new phenomenon is becoming all too common across the landscape of Christian marriages. For good reason, this phenomenon has been called gray divorce. This term was unknown two decades ago. Coined in 2004, it has increasingly been used to describe divorce between (gray-haired) couples who are over fifty years old and have been married for decades. However, their bonds of marriage are broken at the very time that these parents should be providing an example of stability and faithfulness for their children and grandchildren.

Let’s consider some of the tragic factors that lead to gray divorce. Hopefully we can be careful to spot signs of impending strain in our own marriages and take measures to avoid the heartbreak of a broken home.

Divided interests

One of the most common reasons for gray divorce is that husbands and wives pursue independent interests that slowly and gradually pull them apart. Husbands who are addicted to sports, such as hunting, fishing, or golfing, spend more and more time with friends and less and less time with their wives. They find fulfillment and satisfaction in these hobbies to the neglect of their families. Likewise, wives can find satisfaction in shopping, craft clubs, and social media to the exclusion of time with their husbands. Marriages are first strained, then frayed, and then broken because of these divided interests.

Stagnant love

Sometimes gray divorce is a simple result of love that has been allowed to become stagnant. If affections are not nurtured and carefully rekindled, they can become cold over time, like a fireplace that is neglected. Physical changes associated with aging can lead to a decline in the excitement associated with physical intimacy. Husbands and wives should take great care to rekindle their “first love” by setting aside special times to be together, having open conversations about each other’s physical needs, and actively pursuing common interests and activities.

Empty nest syndrome

Many couples find their relationship with their spouse to be strained during the years after the children leave home to get married, pursue higher education, or join the workforce. Husbands may have different ambitions for their children than their wives, without even realizing that there was a difference of opinion. Similar to Isaac and Rebekah, sometimes the husband favors one child while the wife favors another. The children, which ought to unite a man and his wife, can sometimes actually divide the couple. When a child departs the home, affection is pulled away from the spouse to the child with devastating consequences that hurt everyone involved.

Unresolved bitterness

Sadly, gray divorce is often the final result of years of unresolved tension and bitterness that never properly healed. The Bible calls this a “root of bitterness” (Hebrews 12:15). Like the root system of a noxious weed or thornbush, bitterness takes hold of the heart and is difficult to eradicate apart from the grace of God. Almost unnoticed at first, this root of bitterness grows silently until it dominates the good fruit and chokes out all else.
How much better would life be if we consistently and immediately confessed and sought restoration when hurts occur? May we be faithful to recognize and take responsibility for every offense so that bitterness will never be allowed to take root in our lives.