It is traditional in conservative Christian circles that a young man seek out the blessing of the father of the girl before pursuing her hand in courtship. Is this merely a tradition? Is it an outdated formalism leftover from the Victorian age? Is it a legalistic requirement invented by pharisaical moralists? Or is there perhaps some real Biblical value in seeking and receiving the blessing of the father?
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
Obviously, a parental blessing upon a courtship is not always possible. In some cases, the parents are deceased. There is no record of Boaz sending a message to Moab to seek the blessing of Ruth’s parents in his pursuit of her as a bride. It is always dangerous to argue from silence. But Boaz certainly honored Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi, in taking the Moabite widow as his wife. Naomi was the immediate parental authority at hand.
God’s Word always works in any circumstance, and the fifth commandment always applies. “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12). Keeping the fifth commandment may look different in each individual case. But the commandment always applies. It is always relevant, even in the most difficult and twisted circumstances. Isaac certainly honored his father and mother in welcoming Rebekah as his bride, just as Boaz honored Naomi.
If you are a young person considering marriage and your case is difficult, pray that the Lord will direct you into how best to honor your own parents and also the parents of the spouse you are considering. Your effort will not be in vain.
Parents Know the Strengths and Weaknesses of Their Children
One important practical consideration in seeking and obtaining parental blessing upon courtship and marriage is the fact that parents know the strengths and weaknesses of their own children. A young person, head-over-heels in love, may vainly think that he knows his or her sweetheart better than anyone on the face of the earth! But there are usually others—parents, siblings, even aunts and uncles—that know him or her better. It is a wise practice for a young man to seek the advice and counsel of the father of a young lady. Her father knows where his daughter is strong. He knows areas where she needs support. He can often give advice that will be very helpful as marriage is considered.
A Father’s Blessing Lays a Foundation for Good Relationships in the Future
Many young men and women have unnecessarily brought upon themselves a lifetime of misery by ignoring or neglecting the advice and blessing of parents upon their courtship, engagement, and their marriage. It is easy to shrug off a bad relationship with a mother-in-law or a father-in-law, but the seeds of this bitter fruit are so often sown by the way a young person ignores the value of parental blessing and advice.
On the other hand, young people that seek the advice and humbly listen to the counsel of both sets of parents lay a foundation for trust, humility, and openness. This foundation will be a rich blessing in the future as the Lord sees fit to add children and grandchildren. God’s ways are always best, and young people who humble themselves to honor both father and mother will see good fruit in due time.
