Courtship & Dating

It is traditional in conservative Christian circles that a young man seek out the blessing of the father of the girl before pursuing her hand in courtship. Is this merely a tradition? Is it an outdated formalism leftover from the Victorian age? Is it a legalistic requirement invented by pharisaical moralists? Or is there perhaps some real Biblical value in seeking and receiving the blessing of the father?

How active can and should parents be in the selection and pursuit of a spouse for their children? This perplexing question has given rise to much controversy and misunderstanding among Christians. One of the chief difficulties in answering this question is that the Bible does not mandate a universal rule in the matter.

Even before you know what particular needs your future spouse will have, it is important to pray that the all-knowing Lord will prepare you to meet those needs. Long before Ruth met Boaz in the fields around Bethlehem, the Lord was already equipping Boaz with the skills, temperament, and character qualities that would make him a suitable match for Ruth. Likewise, God is now building into you the virtues that you will need to be a help meet for your spouse.

“Can I be content with singleness and yet desire marriage at the same time?” or “Does one exclude the other?” God’s Word never contradicts itself. Thus, if God calls His children to contentment and simultaneously encourages His children to pursue good things, then there is no contradiction. We can apply this truth to other areas of life and then draw a few conclusions about anticipation for marriage.

We’ve all heard the storybook tales of the prince and the maiden who married and lived “happily ever after.” When we look around our world today, it would be easy to become cynical about the possibility of a “happily ever after” marriage. Is it really possible, or are those stories just for children’s books, romance movies, and young girls’ dreams?

The most important decision we will make, after salvation, is probably the decision of marriage. It affects every area and every day of life! God has given each one of us a natural desire for companionship, yet there are essential lessons we can learn from His Word that invite blessing into our lives, regardless of whether we are single or married.

Every individual, family, and situation is unique, and therefore, each courtship is unique. What worked well for one couple might not be the best choice for another couple. The concepts presented here are helpful guidelines and a possible pattern to consider.

Every courtship is unique because each couple and their circumstances are unique. More significantly, God’s ways are unique, and He has creative, timely, and even miraculous ways of bringing a man and woman together for marriage. In every courtship, both individuals and families should diligently seek God’s direction.