So many things in the Christian life require a proper, Biblical balance of two seemingly contradictory truths: God is sovereign, yet man is responsible.

Jesus Christ is fully God, and He is also fully man. Justification is by faith alone, but it is tested and proven by works. A simple farmer’s description of these truths can be clearly but vividly compared to keeping a truck between the ditches on either side of the road. One can easily slide into error by taking one truth or the other to the extreme and focusing entirely on one passage of Scripture while minimizing other important verses.

When a young man or woman is contemplating marriage, it is easy to fall into one of two errors. Some young people focus upon Scripture passages that emphasize seeking, praying, searching, and anticipating marriage. However, in doing so excessively, they become restless, anxious, and frustrated. Other young people, equally sincere, emphasize passages that teach trusting God and waiting patiently for marriage to the extent that they become complacent, spiritually lazy, and neglect important opportunities that God graciously provides.

Let’s carefully consider the important Biblical balance between resting and seeking in the context of marriage.

Resting

Many Scripture passages encourage God’s children to rest in His wisdom and timing when facing any important decision in life. “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass” (Psalm 37:4–5). In a similar vein, Proverbs 3:5–6 instructs us to “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Examples from recorded accounts in the Bible also emphasize the importance of being patient and trusting God during the critical years before marriage. Passages often mentioned include the recognition that Adam was sleeping when God formed Eve, and Isaac was meditating in the field when the Lord provided Rebekah. Also familiar is the record of Ruth dutifully serving Naomi by gathering food for them. During Ruth’s gleaning, “her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz” (Ruth 2:3), who (unbeknownst to her) was her future husband and kinsman-redeemer!

Negative examples of hasty and impatient matches are also recorded in the Scriptures. Some of those incidents include Esau taking Canaanite brides in disobedience to his father’s blessing, Samson becoming enamored with the deceptive woman Delilah, and Solomon marrying many women who not only worshipped idols but also turned his heart from God.

While we must be careful in our application from some of these accounts, the clear teaching in Scripture is that a young person should trust God to provide a spouse and beware of following the emotional attachments that can so easily lead one astray. Resting patiently in the Lord is a key component in having contentment before marriage.

Seeking

While resting patiently and trusting the Lord to provide a spouse, equally important is recognizing that God delights when His children actively seek His will and blessing. According to Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Finding is an active verb that implies seeking. Jesus said, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7). If this assurance applies to our daily bread, how much more it also applies to the important pursuit of a spouse!

In light of the entire counsel of God’s Word, an unmarried single person is wise to patiently seek, prayerfully rest, and trustingly pursue marriage as God directs and provides opportunities. Practicing this course of resting and seeking, while looking to God for guidance, will yield contentment before marriage.