In former times, most young people married friends and neighbors from their own local communities. The reason was a logistical necessity. Rough roads, expensive postage, and limited means of communication made it most common to marry from one’s neighborhood or a nearby community, or more often, someone in the local church.

At the turn of the twentieth century, however, courtship began to change with the rise of the telegraph, the railroad, and the automobile. With these advantages, young men now could consider courting young ladies in towns and villages many miles away. Letters delivered by horse and buggy or by rail service began to more quickly convey messages of love and exchange important correspondence of mutual plans.

Today, we live in a world of global instantaneous connection. This is a time of tremendous advantages. Yet, there are also a few disadvantages that must be carefully considered whenever a long-distance courtship develops between two young people who are mutually seeking God’s wisdom and direction.

Choose your communication methods carefully

Faster is not necessarily better. Texts, Facebook, and Instagram posts may be instant, but they may not be as meaningful as a handwritten letter. Be careful not to abandon entirely the ways of the past. Seek parental wisdom on when and how to choose between the many avenues of communication that are so readily available. 

A written note has the advantage of preserving words that are carefully thought out and timeless. Many married couples treasure in a special drawer or box their “love letters” from the important days of courtship and engagement. Phone calls and texts are very convenient at times and also can be meaningful, but the verbal or text conversations are more readily impromptu, and thus the communication is often not as well thought through as a written letter or email. Cultivate the skill of matching the best method that communicates a message worth preserving.

Honor current family relationships

It is easy during courtship, especially a long-distance one, to ignore the people who are around you and instead singly focus upon that someone special who is perhaps a thousand miles away. Try to avoid this mistake. You are not married yet, and your immediate duties and responsibilities lie with those God has called you to serve now. 

Remember to live in the present and with those who are with you now. Take care to not needlessly and uncaringly brush off spending time with your siblings because you want to call your sweetheart. Savor your mother’s good cooking and express gratitude. This time is also ideal to embrace loving fellowship with your parents while you are still under their roof. In the same vein, encourage your fiancée to honor her father, esteem her mother, and seize opportunities to interact with her siblings. These familial relationships will build a solid foundation for the future.

Plan extended face-to-face visits

While enjoying communication over a distance with the one you are courting, be wise to plan carefully some extended visits. With the blessing of your parents, extend an invitation for the person you are courting to come and visit for a week or two. Let your “special someone” experience your family life and see you in the ordinary course of daily life and duties. 

Face-to-face time allows that close proximity with future in-laws that cannot be built or strengthened over the miles. Singing hymns while gathered in the living room, sharing meals around the family table, attending church and worshipping together, and doing daily tasks alongside family members—these are realistic experiences that can be invaluable as you prepare for a future together as husband and wife.