In Ecclesiastes 4:12, the Preacher wrote, “a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” While marriage is not the immediate context of this verse, we are given in this text a truth that can be applied carefully to many areas of life. A threefold cord is stronger than a simple strand of fiber. This is why, for centuries, mankind has twisted fibers together to make rope.

Similarly, marriages ought to be bound together by a spiritual threefold cord. God is triune: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. In the same fashion, man is described as having a spirit, soul, and body. The Apostle Paul prayed for the Thessalonian believers, “And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (I Thessalonians 5:23, emphasis added). Just as we should carefully keep our body, soul, and spirit in proper relationship with God, so also we should be united to our spouses by this threefold cord.

Let’s consider each aspect of this strong cord in the marriage relationship.

The Body

Marriage is described by God as a “one-flesh” covenant. When God ordained marriage in the beginning, He said, “they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Whenever the physical aspect of marriage is under strain, the stress weakens the entire marriage relationship.

There are several things that can strain and fray the physical relationship. Immorality and the guilt that sin produces can make the pleasure and satisfaction that God intended in marriage to grow cold and lifeless. Only confession and openness with one another can restore and reignite that physical relationship.

Health troubles can also make physical fulfillment in marriage difficult or even impossible. Couples facing these struggles may need to adjust the nature of their physical communion, but it is vitally important to cultivate physical intimacy in marriage.

The Soul

It is in the area of the soul—our mind, will, and emotions—that a man and woman otherwise deeply in love can drift apart. Selfish interests can drive a wedge between spouses. A complaining spirit often creates coldness that can fray this strand of the threefold cord. Angry outbursts or manipulating tones can sever ties that are necessary for handling the strain of married life and parenting.

Emotional attachments outside the bonds of marriage will ultimately destroy the bond of the soul. Just as a farmer carefully inspects the ropes and straps that make his equipment function well, so by God’s grace a husband and wife should always carefully examine the cords of their souls.

The Spirit

Some couples have two cords that are intact and strong. But the third cord may be frayed or worn thin. It is easy for a man and his wife to lose their close spiritual connection, especially as life gets busier. Although many couples start out guarding and maintaining their time to pray together, read Scripture together, and converse with one another about the Word of God, some distraction or seemingly more important, urgent matter may arise to dampen their devotional fervor or sidetrack their guard of their spiritually edifying times together.

Even the blessing of children cannot replace the importance of the couple’s spiritual union and fellowship. How vitally important it is that fathers and mothers together lead their children as they follow the leading of the Holy Spirit! A couple can easily become unequally yoked when the wife is “pulling ahead” of a reluctant husband or the husband is forging forward despite an inattentive wife. Children feel this tension and inconsistency. This “un-unified front” can result in great harm and discouragement to the family. Both husband and wife must seek the Lord together in order to maintain the resilience of this cord of the spirit.

May God give us the grace to glorify our Lord Jesus by presenting God-honoring marriages tightly secured by a strong threefold cord.