The eighth description of covenant love in I Corinthians 13 is that charity “is not easily provoked.” Are you easily provoked? How much of an irritation can you bear mildly without snapping back, answering sharply, or becoming angry? If you are short-tempered, easily irritated, and especially if you tend to snap at your spouse, it is a sign that you need to carefully consider these words.

The Greek phrase here translated “easily provoked” is παροξύνω (paroxuno). This compound word is drawn from a preposition that means “alongside” and a verb that literally means “to be sharp.” The word is used to describe the “sharp sickle” in Revelation 14:14 and the “sharp sword” in Revelation 19:15 that proceeds from the mouth of the Son of God.

Christ’s anger in Revelation 19 is righteous anger. His sword is wielded in a good cause of justice and truth. But what about our anger? Are we “sharp” when we should be mild? Are we quick to “draw the sword” and lash out when we should be loving and patient?

Every married man or woman should ask themselves this important question: What is it that irritates me? Other related questions to consider include “Am I irritated by criticism?” “Am I irritated by character flaws I see in my spouse?” “Am I irritated when the supper is cold, when the toast is burnt, when the floor is untidy, or when my expressed—or even unexpressed—intentions are not fulfilled?”

Does your wife or husband think of you as “touchy” or irritable? How about your children? Do they cringe or move away when you enter the room? Do they anticipate your displeasure at the smallest provocations? Tragically, these are the little things that spoil the harmony of a home, drive wedges between daughters and fathers, and build walls between fathers and sons.

Similarly, a wife can become irritated when her husband does not “do his share” in the management of the home or the yard. She can be irritated if he does not compliment her for a job well done. She is sometimes prone to false expectations that result in little outbursts of temper at her husband or the children, revealing that she, too, is “easily provoked.”

If we are absolutely honest, many of the things that irritate us are very small in comparison to the magnitude of God’s patience with us. When we are easily provoked, it is a clear and evident sign that we are not loving our wives as Christ loved the church or reverencing our husbands properly.

To gloss over the guilt of being provoked, people often justify their poor reactions to irritations. One might say, “But I have made it clear that my wife is to have the children clean up the room before I come home from work!” A wife may lament, “My husband forgets every night to take out the garbage!” A person may defend his or her reaction with a myriad of other similar but vain excuses.

Nothing excuses anger. Patient words of love, gracious praise when our expressed desires are heeded, and encouraging compliments on good character will go much further in gainful communication than an angry, rash outburst.

May God help us to repent of being short-tempered and sharp-tongued. Do you perhaps need to go to your spouse face-to-face before the sun goes down today and humbly acknowledge your tendency to be “easily provoked”? In the presence of God, as husband and wife, purpose together that your marriage will, in the future, reflect more fully the love of Christ!