Young men, here is a very important piece of advice! (Young ladies, you would also do well to take heed.) A wise young man who is looking for a wife can and should be seeking a young woman who is submissive to both the Lord and to her parents. 

Many young men foolishly seek a young woman who has the will to, as some might say, “stand on her own feet” and “assert her own opinions.” The poor lad often realizes too late that he has married a lass who has cultivated attitudes of stubbornness, selfishness, and rebellion. Thus, she is often unwilling to practice the discipline of Biblical submission. Essentially, she learns Biblical submission first through obedience to God and to her parents. Not having learned this practice first at home, she will be a grief to her husband in their marriage.

In this day and time, some supposed experts—psychologists, counselors, and even some pastors—encourage the independence and autonomy of wives from their husbands. They teach that a woman’s emotions and feelings are supreme in today’s feminized world. However, the Word of God holds both women and men accountable for their sinful attitudes. This ungodly teaching today that disregards or denies Biblical submission is destructive to marriages and even personal growth as a believer. 

Here are some verses from the Book of Proverbs that give sober warnings concerning the type of woman to avoid when choosing a bride.

An Indiscrete Woman

“As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion” (Proverbs 11:22). Discretion is the ability to act and speak thoughtfully after carefully weighing consequences of words or actions. Any woman who is indiscreet, however beautiful she may appear, is hiding the impurity of her heart and soul. 

A Shameful Woman

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4). A woman that “maketh ashamed” is the very opposite of a virtuous woman. Whereas the virtuous woman is unselfish, diligent, and kind, the shameful woman is selfish, lazy, and bitter. She causes her husband to be ashamed of her, and she, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally, destroys her own family.

A Brawling Woman

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” (Proverbs 21:9). A brawling woman is a reviler, one who abuses others with her words. She may begin in her youth by reviling her father; the roots of bitterness in her heart then grow to the point that she later reviles her own husband! This type of woman likely despises authority of any kind. Other proverbs compare her to the dripping of a “very rainy day” (Proverbs 27:15) and warn that “it is better to dwell in the wilderness” than with such a woman (Proverbs 21:19)!

Many counselors (including Biblical ones) typically consider lust, anger, and bitterness as specific sins men especially struggle with, but the Bible is very clear that these sins can also beset or plague women.

Often, young men can be unwise and misled by a young lady’s pretty face, sweet smile, or cute laugh. But any man who falls for only these superficial attractions is a fool; he will come to regret his folly. In the end, he may realize that he was unwittingly pursuing a reviling woman who would eventually bring him shame and regret. Be wise and beware of a woman who disregards advice, a daughter who resents her parents’ influence, and a young lady who bristles when she doesn’t get her own way.

Wise men look for young ladies who honor both the Lord and their parents. These wise young women will speak well of their parents and graciously submit to authority with discernment, humility, and grace. Such a woman is well on the pathway to becoming a virtuous wife who will prove to be a delightful crown to her husband.