Between engagement and marriage, this time is crucial for any couple. Not only must the wedding plans be arranged, but it is during this important time that patterns for mutual prayer, successful communication, and proper conflict resolution are discussed and begin to be established.

Sadly, many couples squander the unique opportunities during the busy rush of this season of life. Here are some practical considerations for those who desire to use the time of engagement wisely:

Pray Together Often

The engagement period is a wonderful time to make mutual prayer a consistent habit. There are several key areas to bring before the Lord during this time. Pray together over every aspect of the upcoming wedding and marriage. Pray for God’s blessing over the dwelling that is being prepared for your life together. Even the list of those to receive invitations is a matter to consider in prayer. The plans and preparations for the meals to be made both before and during the wedding week and day also merit prayer!

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (Philippians 4:6). Let this verse be the standard of your prayer life as the wedding day approaches. If any anxiety or concern arises in your heart, make it a matter of prayer. A wedding bathed in prayer rarely disappoints. If you and your fiancé build a habit of praying together over every decision now, this valuable habit will have already formed by the time you come to the marriage altar.

Make Plans Unselfishly

Selfish choices during engagement will lead to selfish choices during marriage. Many little decisions are made in preparation for the wedding day, such as food offerings, color theme, bridesmaids’ dresses, groomsmen’s attire, event decorations, and even who is or isn’t on the guest list. When these decisions are made with ulterior motives that satisfy selfish desires, it will be very hard to reverse that pattern in marriage.

A wise bride will ask her parents what their preferences might be in this big event. After all, a wedding is a celebration for the parents as much as it is for the bride and groom. Even a selfish attention to “how will I look” or “what others will think of me” will set a very bad precedent going into your marriage.

Consider others who will be involved in celebrating the big day. Perhaps an invalid relative will need to access the venue in a wheelchair. Or when selecting the date, are there significant times of the year that may be inconvenient for family members. Are there food allergies among the bridal party or special guests that need to have alternative offerings available?

Even between the bride and groom, thoughtful courtesy to ask one another about preferences will help to please each other regarding colors, dress styles, or in seemingly little details, such as bowties or neckties? Belts or cumberbunds? Often the preferences of the groom are not considered, since the planning of the wedding day is usually assumed to be considered the bride’s prerogative. Yet, the groom does have opinions! He may have a distaste for the bright orange dresses that the bride may be considering. He may actually have a preference even regarding the flowers in the bouquet. It never hurts to ask, and to ask shows a loving, humble desire to please your future spouse!

All these matters are of little importance in the grand scheme of life. A willingness to make unselfish plans now will strengthen future relations with each other, as well as with in-laws, parents, siblings, and friends.

Resolve Conflicts Humbly

Whenever conflicts do arise in wedding preparations—and they most certainly will!—establish a pattern now of how to resolve them humbly and quickly. Do not allow conflicts to fester or resentment to poison the spring at its source. If you do not want your fiancé to announce suddenly, “I don’t” at the marriage altar, then demonstrate your willingness now to take responsibility for sinful attitudes, to ask forgiveness, and to resolve disagreements quickly.

How a couple uses the time during the engagement period will set valuable patterns for marriage and life beyond. May God give wisdom, grace, and humility to use that crucial time wisely.