Covenant Marriage

The exchange of vows is the most important part of a wedding. Take away the rings, and you still have a marriage. Take away the flowers, candles, decorations, and music, and you still have a marriage. Take away the groomsmen, the bridesmaids, the flower girls, and the ring bearer, and you still have a marriage. But if you take away the vows, you do not have a marriage at all. Whether the couple uses the traditional vows from The Book of Common Prayer or vows that they have written themselves for the occasion, the exchange of vows is what binds a marriage in the sight of God.

One of the great tragedies of divorce is that its consequences have devastating effects upon the next generation. In modern America, about 36 percent of marriages end in divorce. These tragic numbers do not take into account the number of children who grow up in homes where their parents are never married. Sadly, many children do not even know who their father is! Statistics have demonstrated, with varying degrees of alarm, that the children of divorced parents are much more likely to have serious problems in their own marriages. Why does divorce have such a strong multigenerational tendency? What are the underlying causes of this chain of causation? Can the pattern be broken?

The thirteenth description of covenant love in I Corinthians 13 is that charity “believeth all things.” Any couple who has been married for a while knows that trust is at the heart of any healthy and faithful marriage. If a couple does not fully trust one another, their marriage will be plagued with doubt, misunderstandings, and suspicion. The Greek word used here by Paul for “believeth” is πιστεύω (pisteuo). This very same word is used throughout the New Testament to express saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. This particular word is not used only for intellectual assent. Other words are available for that kind of intellectual knowledge. Rather, this word pisteuo is a theologically rich term that expresses complete and committed trust.

During the period of preparation for marriage, many engaged couples may be reluctant to seek out and receive advice on matters of wedding planning. This reluctance is understandable on several levels. After all, it is their wedding! It is the one day of their lives when a day can be planned around celebrating the most special union under heaven. But in the midst of all this planning and preparation, how easy it is to lose sight of the bigger picture. Couples absorbed in planning the details of their special day often tend to overlook valuable suggestions and advice that others might have to give. These couples would be wise to heed Proverbs 20:5, “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.”

It has become traditional across many cultures to exchange wedding rings as a tangible token of covenant love. Rings are easily and readily characterized only as a symbol of “eternal love” since they are in the shape of a circle. While this aspect of the significance of the ring is important, there is much more to consider. The rich symbolism of wedding bands is deeper and fuller than this one aspect.

A new phenomenon is becoming all too common across the landscape of Christian marriages. For good reason, this phenomenon has been called gray divorce. This term was unknown two decades ago. Coined in 2004, it has increasingly been used to describe divorce between (gray-haired) couples who are over fifty years old and have been married for decades. However, their bonds of marriage are broken at the very time that these parents should be providing an example of stability and faithfulness for their children and grandchildren.

The twelfth description of covenant love in I Corinthians 13 is that charity “beareth all things.” This is one of the simplest yet weightiest phrases in this marvelous passage on covenant love. What did Paul mean when he said that love bears all things? On the surface, this English word seems to be synonymous with “endureth.” Many people who quote this verse mistakenly assume that to “bear all things” means that a husband or wife needs to learn to “bear” or “put up with” any sort of circumstance. But Paul addressed that idea later when he wrote in the same verse that love “endureth all things.” The “bearing all things” is something entirely different from “putting up with” something!

Many young people who are longing for marriage sometimes feel trapped by the icy bonds of winter. They long for the day that they fall in love, and on that day the sun will shine, the birds will sing, and the flowers will bloom once again. But in the good providence of our God, wintertime is just as important as springtime for the growth cycle of life.

On January 6, 1759, one of the most important marriages in colonial Virginia took place at a lovely plantation home situated on the Pamunkey River. A young, beautiful widow named Martha Custis was married to a distinguished officer who had seen service in the western frontiers, Colonel George Washington. At the time of their marriage, Martha was perhaps the more prominent of the two. Little did Colonel Washington and his bride realize at the time of their marriage that the groom would one day become the “Father of His Country”.

Have you ever considered the treasures of the snow applied to your marriage? It is not without accident that a traditional bridal dress is made of fabric that is as white as snow. Every snowfall should remind us to consider afresh the treasures of the snow and how we can best reflect the light of the Lord Jesus in the purity and radiance of our marriage.

After the busy, festive seasons of Thanksgiving and Christmas, many people find that January and February are lonely and gloomy months. Some call this time after the holidays are past the winter blues. The colder temperatures keep many indoors, and the early sunsets result in longer, dark evenings. Visiting extended family members who brought cheer and fellowship earlier in the winter have returned to their own homes. Loneliness sets in.

The eleventh description of covenant love in I Corinthians 13 is that charity “rejoiceth in the truth,” as opposed to the contrasting statement immediately given before—that charity “rejoiceth not in iniquity.” It is one matter to refrain from rejoicing in iniquity, but do you and your wife cultivate together a love that rejoices in the truth?

Many young people today live in a state of continued frustration while they delay in pursuing marriage until the “right one” comes along. Certainly, it is wise to exercise patience and to have high standards for a potential spouse. But what if the definition of the right one is a fallacious one?

When was the last time that you had a list of New Year’s resolutions specifically devoted to improving your marriage? Consider taking time this week with your spouse to discuss a few important resolutions that you could agree upon together as needing improvement in the new year ahead. The following are some ideas you might discuss.

The very season that gives “tidings of comfort and joy” for many can also be a time of deep sorrow for others. This joyful season can be difficult for someone who has recently lost a loved one to death or through the pain of divorce. Even a person who has suffered strained or broken relationships in a family feud most likely will feel magnified sorrow during this typical family-gathering time at Christmas. Empty chairs at the table, stockings missing from the hearth, and enhanced memories of bygone happy days can be extremely sorrowful for the bereaved and forsaken.

A Godly husband and wife who desire that their marriage be rooted and grounded in covenant love will never allow gossip to take root in their hearts. Just as a carefully tended garden can have one noxious weed take root and choke out good fruits or vegetables, in a similar way gossip can also destroy the sanctity of a home.

Between engagement and marriage, this time is crucial for any couple. Not only must the wedding plans be arranged, but it is during this important time that patterns for mutual prayer, successful communication, and proper conflict resolution are discussed and begin to be established. A willingness to make unselfish plans now will strengthen future relations with each other, as well as with in-laws, parents, siblings, and friends.

John Alden and Priscilla Mullins were both unmarried passengers aboard the Mayflower. History records that the two young people were married in what was the fourth wedding in Plymouth history. The two Pilgrims, brought together by Providence, resolved to build a new life in the New World. Together, John and Priscilla raised ten children, and their progeny today number more than one million living descendants.

The Thanksgiving holiday can be a stressful time for many families. It is a time of busy preparations. Extended family and friends often come to visit. Priorities must be balanced to meet everyone’s needs. Parents-in-law sometimes have to be accommodated at the expense of one’s own parents. Sometimes the reverse is also true.

There is no such thing as a “no fault” divorce. From Genesis to Revelation, the Word of God is very clear that divorce is displeasing to God. In fact, according to Matthew 19:8, Jesus taught regarding divorce that “from the beginning it was not so.” The idea of no-fault divorce arose in Europe in the late 18th century. A 1757 edict in Prussia allowed a marriage to be dissolved without proving the guilt of either spouse. The idea of neither party being at fault in the severing of a marriage slowly took root in other European countries over the next century.